Men who command respect get big things done in life. Respect opens doors for you that are closed to other men. Respect can build you an empire, sign you a deal, get you a reservation …and attract some of the most beautiful women in the world.
Some men seem to possess a natural ability to command respect, while most never quite unlock the code. One reason why this is so:
- most men today grow up with very little manly guidance.
Many years ago, boys grew up working next to their fathers. The son of “ye olde blacksmith” not only learned his father’s trade …he assimilated how his father dealt with people. He was there to watch, first hand, as his father built trust, negotiated deals …and generally handled himself as a man in the world.
Fast-forward to our times, when, even if you grow up with a father in the house, all the real “action” takes place away from the home, out of your view. You’re at home with mom!
Meanwhile, most, if not all of your schoolteachers (i.e., respected authority figures) are women …and you learn the rest of what you think you need to know about being a man from other boys your age …and from television. Is it any wonder so few men command respect?
Here are three critical values to check for in your arsenal:
1. Speak Titanium.
Some men are proud to say: “I never break a promise.” Leave that concept for the women and children. As a man, why should people have to listen for the word “promise” to know whether to take you seriously, or not? A real man’s every word is a promise.
In fact, the true measurement of your power as a man is the strength of the words you speak. This has nothing to do with how forcefully you speak them …a truly powerful man rarely needs to raise his voice, at all.
We see it in the rhythm of group discussion all the time: loud voices, back and forth on an issue, only to be interrupted by a few words from the quietest man in the room. The whole room often pauses to give this man’s words serious consideration before they continue. Why is that?
Simple. People carefully consider your words when they know you carefully consider your words. After you establish a reputation for saying things that are accurate and significant …you earn a level of trust, which grants you a position of respect and power within any group.
Depending on the number (and caliber) of the groups you’ve aligned yourself with and how much trust you’ve gained, your word can eventually be powerful enough to either:
- order 8 nuclear-powered supercarriers to the North Atlantic, or
- order a number 8 at Wendy’s.
(…or somewhere in between). No matter who you are: as your number of powerful allies grows, so grows your ability to get things done.
Armed with this fact, many people go through life trying to meet and impress as many important people as they can. Here is what most of them never figure out:
The most important person (and most powerful ally) you will ever meet on this planet …is you. Everything you do and say is observed by the man within …and according to what you see yourself do, you’ll either be impressed, or not. Regardless of the number of external allies you collect …without you, nothing significant will ever get done. This is why it’s a good idea to place yourself at the top of the list of people who’s trust you need to gain.
Naturally, it all starts with what you allow yourself to say. Begin with small things and treat your slightest utterance as a titanium-clad, universal guarantee. For example, you might say to yourself:
- “I’m going to the gym tomorrow,” or
- “no fast food for me this week,” or
- “I’m taking my kid to the park this Saturday”…
…all seemingly small self-declarations (and unfortunately for most men, easily forgettable). Hey, things come up, right?
Wrong. As a man, your word is your word, even if no one else hears you. In fact, especially if no one else hears you. Once you’ve spoken something, you have an obligation to yourself to absolutely make it happen, no excuses. Every time it doesn’t, you break your self-trust …and if you don’t trust you, people will sense it — and follow your lead.
So, never, ever waiver. When you speak, honor your words — if for nothing other than the fact that you heard yourself.
2. Never Argue.
What is more pitiful than a man bickering with his wife or girlfriend in public? This is not a good look …and the truth of the matter is, it shouldn’t be happening in private, either.
It’s a popular joke among comedians and henpecked men that you shouldn’t argue with a woman because “you’ll never win,” or, “they’re smarter than us,” etc. …classic, anti-male nonsense — it deserves it’s own article.
The truth is, a real man avoids arguing with anyone. Here’s why:
It’s counterproductive. Most arguments degenerate into a sideshow of wits, while the real issues lay unresolved.
It wastes your valuable time. Powerful men with full schedules have no time to “volley” back and forth in some worthless tennis match. We keep things moving — there’s money to make.
It displays weakness. When you put up your verbal “dukes” in defense toward someone, you’re actually indicating that you believe they could “take” you.
Of course, this is in reference to the feuding, squabbling, bickering variety of argument. History is filled with accounts of noble arguments that have resulted in great positive changes in society. Lawyers and public servants are charged, at least, with arguing in behalf of their clients and constituents. Reserve your guns for worthy battles, with worthy opponents.
The trick is knowing what’s worthy. Next time you notice yourself being drawn into an argument, present the facts as you know them — one time. Then, before going any further, ask yourself 3 questions:
- Is this issue critical enough for me to unsnap my holster?
- Is this person a marksman, or a kid with a toy pistol?
- What is the prize here, if I win?
Speaking of “toy pistols,” be aware of the tactic among some individuals to intentionally bait powerful people into arguments in order to boost their own profiles. When successful, they are seen as the scrappy underdog who took on the “big shot.” There is no way to engage these types without surrendering some of your hard-earned respect to them. So don’t. Disarm them with an earnest listening ear, followed by a polite: “Thank-you. I’ll take that under consideration.”
When you encounter a worthy issue and a worthy person to discuss it with, maintain it as precisely that — a discussion. Be it at home or in business, it’s your responsibility to moderate the dynamics of the exchange. You do that by:
- listening attentively
- remaining calm
- asking questions
- presenting your thoughts in a firm, balanced manner
Your composure is one of the best indicators of your level of power. Remain relaxed and unflappable, even in the face of hostility. If an agreement isn’t reached, so be it. A civilized discussion has occurred, you’ve been briefed …now, do it your way without apology. …and if it isn’t your call, demonstrate your dignity by letting it go.
3. Never complain.
Very simple: Women get to complain. Children get to complain. Men get things handled. This is your role — take pride in it.
If you look hard enough, there is always someone who can be blamed for a thing going wrong. But, in both business and home life, your job is to immediately focus on solutions.
As a man, there are only two bad things in this world: things you can help fix, and things you can’t.
Next time you feel yourself wanting to complain about something, do what a powerful man should:
- Stop talking.
- Look for a solution.
- Roll up your sleeves and execute.
Of course, keeping quiet when there is clearly someone to blame (and when others are busy placing blame) is extremely difficult to do …and that is why only remarkable men do it. It is a vivid display of poise, composure and power.
This is not to indicate that you should ignore where problems are coming from. It’s very important to hold people accountable …but take time for that, later. In the moment, it’s about solutions, followed by action.
Complaining is the lazy man’s way of “making a difference.”
About the Author: ST is Editor of WhataManKnows. Get more from ST on Twitter.
